HVD! And 3 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from Marriage

Happy Valentine’s Day from the PBWB!

First off, I’m sorry about lacking in the number of posts this week. You know how Monica was having “Just One of Dem Days” in the 90s? (see video below) I think I’ve been having one of dem weeks. But, I know being the positively optimistic and powerful woman that I strive to be that I have to push through it. One of my biggest weaknesses is seeing things through, so I need you all to hold me accountable on seeing the PBWB through. The love and feedback from the blog have been great, but I think that I tend to give up on things before they have a chance to fail. I can’t be afraid of failure anymore. The only failure is not trying and giving up without a good fight.

With it being Valentine’s Day and all, I figured I should reflect on love and relationships a bit. I just want to share three major lessons that my short, 2 years of marriage have taught me about life.

1) Nothing worthwhile comes easy.
As I’ve mentioned, I’m working on being able to push through all those yucky feelings of anxiety, fear, and doubt to see my goals become a reality. Likewise, there’s a lot of muck to get through in the journey of marriage. Nothing about marriage is easy. It’s not easy to be vulnerable and trust that another person wishes the best for you. It’s not easy to set your own wants aside for the sake of the family’s needs. It’s not easy to have the courage to be led when every part of you wants to lead. All of this have taught me that every goal that I have will require a trade-off. I can’t have a successful blog if I don’t put it in the time to write even when I would rather waste time surfing gossip websites.

2) I can only be my best self if I deal with my baggage.
Anyone in a serious relationship, or maybe not so serious, knows when previous baggage is ruining their relationship. For me, I had to do a lot of soul-searching on how my perceptions about men, myself, and marriage were affected by what I saw growing up. I had to stop ignoring the pain of my past and confront it. I realized that by only rejecting it without dissecting it, I was unconsciously perpetuating certain attitudes and behaviors without even thinking about it. I had to pull the baggage out, unpack it, save anything worth saving, and throw out the rest. The same is true in my personal development journey. I got to a point when I had to stop and reflect on negative opinions that came in my head and ask myself where they came from. I had to understand where all those self-defeating hang-ups came from in order to truly reject them and start believing that I can really do anything that I set my mind to and work hard at. IMG_1609

3) Everything has a season.
I don’t say this as a cop out from taking action. Sometimes, you gotta make stuff happen, but I do feel like as Ecclesiastes 3 says

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; (‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1-2‬ ESV)

Like life, marriage has its seasons. Most couples repeat the vows “for better or for worse, through sickness and in health” because marriage will have its seasons. We are still at the start of the journey, but we’ve already had highs and lows. I see this concept of seasons clearly in my personal life. I’ve had times when I felt accomplished and times when I felt disappointed in the course of my life. Right now, I strongly feel is a time to “plant” so that I can “pluck up what is planted” when the time comes. It is a time to invest in my daughter’s early development so that I can say, “Look at the confident and secure daughter I have helped raise.” It is a season to invest my time and heart into my writing in the hopes that one day this effort will help put coins in my coffer. This season requires hard work without the reward. This season is about preparation so that when the harvest comes, I will be content with what is produced. My efforts now will determine my sense of accomplishment later.

Can you all think of any other life lessons that you’ve learned from current or past relationships? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook.

Hugs and kisses 😘,
PBWB

8 thoughts on “HVD! And 3 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from Marriage

  1. msbijouwho says:

    I’m the same way! I can’t see through things for the life of me. I’m not afraid of failing. I’m actually afraid of succeeding. I’m fearful of something good happening. Is that bad? Like, when I was younger I would shuffle away from things that put me in the limelight because I couldn’t take the pressure of actually being good at something. So, it transpired into my life by way of me talking myself out of something that could be major. I still do it now. *sigh* people don’t understand how difficult it can be to be consistent and follow through. Good post, boo.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Shahidah says:

    Excellent post!
    I think the most important thing I have learned from my marriage and other failed relationships is not to put my needs on hold. It is so easy for me to sacrifice myself for others. It definitely is not my worse characteristic but by far not my best either. There is a middle ground for everything. A compromise for most situations. I guess it came with age, the acknowledgement, but there are many times even now I have to say ‘sorry, I can’t do that for you because I need to do this for myself’.

    Liked by 1 person

    • poppedblackwomanblog says:

      Good for you for putting your foot down. I think women tend to be more self-sacrificing in general and sometimes it’s our downfall. It can be hard to find that middle ground or balance. I’m sure it’s something we all have to determine at some point.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s