Yes, I placed enough hopes on you to
Fill a bottomless basket.
You were the one.
A best friend that she could protect and
Confess her secrets to in the
Backyard, by the garden that doesn’t exist yet.
It was you that would even us out
When we go out for birthday dinners.
It was not fair to place all of that pressure on you.
You were right to be unsure of this world.
I cried because of the plans I’d made that cannot come true.
You had other ideas and I don’t doubt that they are better.
The thing now is we miss you and
Who you would have been.
I loved you before you were you.
I loved the thought that turned into
You never looked at me, red from tears with
Your arms wiggling, stretching out for me like your sister did but
I think I dreamed that I kissed your forehead just like I did hers
That first time we met.
I already loved you even though I’d never seen your face.
You will always be more than scientific terms to me.
You are everything.
You are the white clouds when I take a walk,
The dew on my skin after a hot shower, and the
Sun light on my face when I stand under the kitchen window.
You are mine and God’s and maybe
We will meet another time.
Until then, I will carry and release you at the same time.
I will say thanks for you like I do for Grace and Mercy.
I will rejoice each morning for breath and you.