I used to wonder what happened to her. The girl with the gold medals with the yellow ribbons and the certificates of “outstanding” this and “honor” that. I used to think that if I could bring that girl back, I would be happy.
Then I remembered that girl had wet pillows and shadows in her dreams and when she awoke. She had to go and she can’t come back.
She stayed because it was easier to earn straight A’s
Than to earn acceptance and a love that didn’t depend on how many bottles were clicking and clanging on the bottom shelf in the refrigerator.
That girl should have gone on to attain more accolades with a series of titles before and after her name. She could have been anything. If anyone could make it, that girl could. She was going places. But then she left because it stopped being easy and the clicking and clacking of bottles moved from the fridge to her head then to her heart and they were too damn loud.
That sound boomed in the night and hummed during the day but nothing could fill the Black Hole when the bottles were empty. They kept clicking and clanging like Jingle Bells and Salvation Army kettles.
I don’t want that girl back even though I’m proud of her.
Not for medals and certificates, but because she was able to leave
The bottles and turn the volume down on the clicking and clanging in her head so that she could hear
Who she really was.
She was always more than the plated gold medals of silver and paper certificates that almost became toilet paper; they could not Save her. She was more than the sound of the clicking and clanging of bottles that can no longer enslave her. She could just be and still be Loved.