When I think back over my life, it’s clear to be that I’ve always been a weirdo…or at least a better term would be extremely self-aware. Maybe that’s just the curse of being a writer. I was always very aware of my feelings. Even when I was told that I was being too sensitive or upset for nothing, I always felt too strongly to believe that my feelings were without cause or merit.
So when I felt like something was broken in my home–like something was not normal, even though I had no clue what “normal” was–I sought for more information and eventually for support. Mind you, I grew up in the city so I was used to seeing the reality of urban life–poverty, violence, the usual stuff they show on Fox news (cut the last part, it wasn’t that bad). I’ve never lived in the “gutta”, but it definitely wasn’t pristine or well-to-do either. I lived in apartments mostly, first on the south side of Chicago and then on the west side. I was always well-fed and well-clothed. But, I also felt in my gut that it wasn’t normal for my father to drink the entire day–morning to night, everyday. I knew it wasn’t normal for me to be ashamed to bring friends home from school because my place looked like something from the TV show Hoarders and because I didn’t know what my father would say or do. I knew parents argued, but I knew it wasn’t normal for my parents to physically fight enough to break bedroom furniture.
Me, being the weirdo/maybe too self-aware teenager that I was (or maybe just hella lonely from being an only child), I sought help. I found an Alateen group, a group for children of current/past alcoholics, in a nearby suburb when we lived out west and convinced my mom to drop me off for a few meetings. I only went a couple of times because it was a lot to unpack emotionally and I wasn’t quite as ready for that as I thought. It was too much hurt to feel in front of strangers and I couldn’t take hearing the stories from other teenagers that went through the same things I did and often worse. There were very few kids in the group and eventually I found myself in a meeting with just the adult leader and myself and just decided it was too uncomfortable to keep going back.
All of that spiel was to bring up the fact that Al-Anon (Alcoholic Anonymous) and Alateen have the 12 Step Program and other mantras/pledges/affirmations/statements that they follow. In fact, “The Laundry List” describes me, an adult child of an alcoholic, so well that I can barely stand to read it. I’ve come to realize that I was paralyzed by my experiences growing up for most of my teen and young adult years. I figured it was about time to create a new statement for myself, as well as an affirmation for the Popped Black Woman Blog community. I refuse to allow my supersensitive self to be stuck in a rut because of past baggage.
The PBWB affirmation epitomizes what this blog hopes to accomplish: support for positively optimistic and powerful women that know who they are, believe that they can do anything, and do everything in their power to be better versions of themselves than they were in the past. Of course, we don’t always feel this way, which is why we have to remind ourselves of the truths below everyday and especially during those low moments.
Here is the Popped Black Woman Blog Affirmation:
I will act lovingly towards myself in thought and deed.
I am more than a conqueror over obstacles, anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. They will not prevent me from pursuing my dreams.
I will not ask for anyone else’s permission to live.
I will not allow other people’s actions towards me or feelings about me determine my mood or how I feel about myself.
I will not compare my shortcomings or achievements to those of others. My journey is mine.
I will only compete against the person I was yesterday.
Today is a new day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice in it and be grateful for it.
Do you all have any personal affirmations or mantras that you’d like to share? Do you think that they work in keeping you focused on your goals/purpose? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook. Stay popped loves 😉